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love that stayed

Hello, friends, and Happy Easter!
It’s been a while since I’ve published, but I’ve been writing, praying, and drafting to share again! And what better day to come back than the day we celebrate the greatest miracle in history: the resurrection of Jesus!

But first, a little context: I did not grow up knowing Jesus. I was raised into religion- yes -but Jesus wasn’t discussed outside of religion class or 45 minutes in church. As I got older, sin became familiar, even attractive to me, and while I practiced religion, I practiced rebellion. And a lot of it. Five years ago, I had no idea who Jesus was. Until I was about fourteen, I thought Easter was only about gifts and candy and bunny rabbits. I’m from the south, so egg-pocking is always fun too. But I never realized that Easter was a “holy” holiday.

So if you’re reading this and feel far from God – maybe ashamed, maybe doubting – I want you to know that I’ve been there more time than I can count. And Jesus still came for me. He will come for you too. Your upbringing, your past, your mistakes, none of it disqualifies you. You were not born in such a time, place, or family too complicated for God to use. You were made for glory, and I want to talk about the Man who proved it by choosing the cross.

Last Easter, I wrote about how the resurrection is the greatest miracle ever. And while it is the most miraculous event that changed all of history, I want to focus on something deeper this year: what Jesus chose to endure. Because resurrection can’t happen without crucifixion.

We often talk about the physical pain Jesus endured – the lashes, the nails, the cross. But we sometimes forget the emotional and spiritual layers: He was mocked by the people He came to serve. Beaten by the very hands He formed. Spit on by the ones He knew by name. Betrayed by the friends He called family. The worst part? For a moment, He was forsaken by the Father so we never would be. He called out to Heaven and didn’t hear His Father respond. That silence was separation, and He bore it so we would never have to know it.

[Side note: Psalm 22 is David’s prophesy of our Savior undergoing immense pain. Matthew 27:46, “Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”. Jesus was fulfilling scripture, revealing to us that He is the One David wrote about centuries before.]

The wildest thing about this entire thing is that the cross was His decision. Jesus had power to end it all. Matthew 26:53 reminds us He could have callled down angels. He was never forced, He wasn’t sentenced to the crucifixion based on his own wrongdoings. But He chose the cross. Chose humiliation, discomfort, heartbreak, physicial pain, dehydration, betrayal, and ultimately death. Willingly.

I often think about what Jesus would have thought when this choice came up. He was once sitting on a throne where there was not a glimpse of evil, to then be placed in a world filled with broken people that would torture Him until His last breath. Did He hesitate to say yes? Why would He do it? He didn’t have to come to earth. He didn’t even have to die on the cross. I think about when He fasted for 40 days and 40 nights, when the enemy came to propose to Him a way out. What would have happened if Jesus said yes?

I don’t think about these things to find answers, but I think about them from my perspective. If someone asked me to go back to the darkest place I had ever been, without hesitation, I would say no. So why would Jesus willingly do it?

The simple answer is because He loves us. He is so humble, so loving, and such an amazing friend that He left His high and mighty place to come to the lowliest so He could teach of a path for us to go down on our time on earth, so that we could live eternal life with Him in Heaven.

Somthing I think about a lot in the crucifixion is how Jesus felt when Judas and Peter both betrayed Him. Jesus loved them both. He was vulnerable with Peter. He fed Judas. Shared meals, conversations, laughter, prayer, tears. And they both broke His heart. Still, He went to the cross. And on that cross, Luke 23:34, “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He’s not only talking about the soldiers. He’s also talking about the crowd. Peter. Judas. You. Me. In His worst moments, He didn’t curse them, instead, He chose to cover them.

I recently started listening to a podcast called “Becoming Something”, and in each episode, a young adult submits a question and it gets answered by the three hosts. I thought it could be fun to format this post similarly! I have two questions below, one I’ve heard asked repeatedly over time, and the second one that I found myself wondering about. I’ve researched and consulted the Lord with both below:
1. Why didn’t God strike the soldiers down who beat and crucified Jesus?
2. Why does God still love us and bless us, even after what we did to His only Son?

To answer the first question, there’s so many different ways to take it, but the heart of why God didn’t strike down the soliders rests in the fact that He came to save them. Mark 15:39 tells us after the veil in the sky tore, a centurion confessed, “Surely this man was the Son of God.” As most of us know, God plays the long game, always has.

[Side note: a centurion is a Roman military officer in charge of about 100 soldiers. This was not a random bystander in the crowd – this was a commander, likely desensitized to violence due to the countless crucifixions he had partaken in, but this one stopped him cold.]

For another direction in answering this question, I want to share a story. When I was sixteen, my brother was three, and after school, I would always ask him if he wanted to ride the golfcart with me. He never said yes, so I always gave him an ultimatium: golfcart or you’re going to be punished. He said yes, but never enjoyed those rides. After I moved away for college and went visit one summer, he came up to me and asked, “Can we please ride the golfcart together?” No ultimatium, no forcing, just love and desire.

That’s exactly how God works. He never forces us into a relationship or into our calling. He waits for the moment we want to come to Him. Revelation 3:20 tell us He stands at the door and knocks and if anyone hears His voice and opens the door, He will come. He doesn’t kick the door down and intrudes where He is not welcomed. He waits. John 6:66-67 gives us a visual of Jesus asking His disciples if they wanted to walk away. He never begged, never advertised.

And this is why God never struck the soliders, mocked the mockers, or sent fire into the crowd. He has all the power and authority to do all of the above with just one breath, but if He did, we wouldn’t be following Him in love, we’d be following Him out of fear. Forced loyality isn’t love, it’s control. And God repeatedly in scripture leaves the choice up to us to follow Him.

I also want to highlight that the cross was not only for those standing around in the crowd that day in Calvary. It’s for all of us. And if we’re honest, we were in that crowd too. The crowd at Calvary wasn’t just made up of the angry, it was made up of us. And if I can join Paul in 1 Timothy 1:15, my sin alone could fill a crowd. But even looking at the crowd and knowing the years of sin to come into the world, Jesus still chose the cross.

The second question, what I found centers around what Paul says in Romans 5:8, “But shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He saw the worst of us, yet still gave us the best of Him. He saw the mockery, and gave us joy. He saw the betrayal before it happened, but still gives us friends. He saw the whips and nails, yet offers us healing every day. He saw us turning our backs on Him and walking away, yet He never moved and He continued to turn toward us. When the world hurled insults at Him, He extended mercy to them in return. The truth, we are guilty, He is innocent. Yet He asked the Father to forgive us anyway.

Why does God continue to bless us? Because Jesus took what we deserved, so we could receive what He deserved.

Jesus lived a perfect life – the life you and I couldn’t live. He was tempted in every way you and I would be tempted, yet He responded perfectly to it all. He lived a busy life, yet never put anyone or anything before His Father. He had every perfect answer to any and every question. He lived His life by caring for others and teaching them what love and kindness felt like. He willingly died a painful death so that we didn’t have to.

What a Father, what a Friend, what a Savior He is. As we all know, this is not the end of the story. We can celebrate the resurrection every single day, but I wanted to focus on the sacrifice our perfect Savior made so we can celebrate the resurrection. Without the crucifiction, we wouldn’t have a resurrection to celebrate.

I hope this post brought not only reflection but humility. Thank you for reading friends! Until next time!