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walking away

Hello, friends! It has been so long since I have updated my blogsite, but I’m hoping I can balance it this year! To recap, I started my first semester of pharmacy school, began a small group on my college campus, led weekly bible studies at the pharmacy school, and continued serving for the youth and young adult ministry at my church. It has been such a transitional season of life!

Although the Lord has opened so many doors for me over the past few months, I wanted to be vulnerable in sharing a difficult and common topic that most Christians experience in their walk – rebellion. I want to read a scripture I think everyone can relate to despite their maturity in their walk with Jesus. Romans 7:15; 18-19, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do.” “For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.”

Paul is my favorite person in the bible (next to Jesus) for many reasons, but one is his authenticity. Even as a key leader of faith, he admits how he struggles with sin and doing what he knew was right. This is so comforting because it reminds us that even the most faithful followers of Jesus wrestle with their flesh. Paul’s words here reflect an internal battle that many of us face – the tension between wanting to follow God and falling into sin.

If I can be honest about what this season looked like for me, I chose to walk away. I chose to stop praying. I chose to ignore my conviction. I chose to cuss, cross physical boundaries, and skip reading His Word. Instead of seeking God, I filled my time with things that I knew would only pull me further away from Him. It was less of a struggle to obey and more of a choice not to.

What was scary was that fact that in the beginning, I felt fine. It wasn’t for a few weeks that the emptiness set in. I realized that walking away from God wasn’t giving me the freedom I thought it would – instead, I felt more lost, more restless, and more disconnected than ever. And Paul’s words in Romans 7 remind us that this struggle is not new. It’s something Christians have faced since the early church. Even when we love God, there’s a war between our spirit and our flesh, and sometimes we fall. But the beauty in what I learned in this season isn’t how far or bad we fall, it’s in how God meets us when we choose to return.

I’ve mentioned this verse before, but Psalm 139:8 has been on my heart this entire season – “If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.” “Sheol” is Hebrew and known as a place of the dead, symbolizing the lowest, farthest place someone could go. Yet David reminds us in this psalm that God’s presence remains. No matter how far we feel from Him – physically, emotionally, or spiritually – He is still with us.

I want to reiterate that even though we may deliberately choose sin, like walking away, ignoring conviction, or living in rebellion, God’s love never leaves us. Even if we make our beds in the lowest place, God is still there. His presence isn’t conditional on our behavior; His presence is constant because of who He is.

A verse I hear so many people misinterpret is Isaiah 59:2, “But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden His face from you so that He will not hear.” Most people quote this as “sin separates us from God”. Yes, sin separates us from God in the sense that it breaks our fellowship with Him, but not physically.

Sin creates a barrier in our relationship with God; it disrupts our intimacy with Him. When we choose to sin, we turn our hearts away from Him, which can cause us to feel distant; however, this doesn’t mean God leaves us. His love is still present, but the nature of sin is to create a sense of isolation from God.

Sin convinces us that we are unworthy, too far gone, or that God doesn’t want us anymore. In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve experienced this. After they sinned, they felt ashamed and tried to hide from God. But what’s beautiful is how God responded – He didn’t leave them in their isolation. He went searching for them while they were hiding. Just like we tend to hide ourselves from the Lord after sin, He calls out to us just like He did in Genesis 3:9, “Where are you?”

It’s not that God was asking for answers, He wanted them to acknowledge their sin and know that He desires a restored relationship, even after sin has caused separation. He doesn’t just invite us back, He runs to us with open arms just like the father in Luke 15:17-20. This wasn’t a father who was waiting with a list of accusations – this was a father who was eager to restore his son, regardless of how far he had strayed.

This is God’s heart. Sin may separate us relationally, but Romans 8:38-39 reminds us that nothing can separate us from God’s love. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This is why repentance isn’t about guilt or punishment – it’s about restoraton.

Returning to God sounds intimidating. Most people assume God is angry or disappointed with them when they sin. While He is disappointed in the sin, He is never disappointed with His children. His heart longs for us to return to Him. This is why the enemy wants us to believe that God is waiting with condemnation, but Paul reminds us in Romans 8:1, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Friend, I hope you know that no amount of sin, not even our worst mistakes can separate us from God’s love. His love is unconditional and unchanging. He calls us out of hiding, back into relationship with Him. He invites us into His grace with no condemnation. Returning isn’t about earning God’s love – it’s about recognizing that His love never left.

Thank you for reading!